"Are we born who we are, or do we make ourselves that way?"

i keep having the same question posed to me, "haven't you thought of changing jobs?"


and this is usually after they commented about my workload..


my answer stays the same, "no".


maybe the workload is a lot.. maybe i have ugly customers at times..


perhaps my first love (of passion) isn't here..


but i love my job..


i really do.


i guess i am a workaholic.. i really can't stand slacking at work most of the time.. even half a day of slacking proved too much for me..


i need to do something.. and something different all the time.. i hate mundane work..


this job gives me the flexibility in work, yet disciplined enough for me not to relax too much..


there is enough control on my side for my own work, yet enough restriction to ensure i follow the basic objectives and rules..


there are lots of courses for me to enrich my knowledge (though there are SOME that are way TOO boring and waste of time)..


there is enough exposure for me to learn things from all fields and know people from all walks of life..


the pay is comfortable enough, though i wouldnt mind increment every now and then..


there is also career prospects as long as i am willing to fight for it..


most importantly, i have a fun group of colleagues who will help me when needed (though they can be irritating at times but then again, so do i!) and supervisors who will protect their subordinates..


all in all, i am in good hands.. =)


so nope, i don't intend to resign anytime soon (if there's no major changes in my life!)..


how about you? are you in good hands?

officially one year older this week.. people have been asking me, how do i feel now that i am one year older?
my ans? nothing, just glad that i look younger than my actual age..

but as i lay on my bed, trying to get to zzz.. i thought about the qns again.. how do i really feel now that i am one year older?

i looked back at my years.. and saw the changes.. a friend say i am more mature now.. able to see through life and have learnt to let go of things and people..

but in actual fact, have i really seen through life? of people? do i let go easier now? or am i pretending that i do?

i can understand more of life now.. definitely.. i can understand some things are meant to be.. some aren't..

but do i really accept that explanation? that simple explanation that can lift a person so high up and so down below within seconds?

i dono. i seriously don't.


朋友說我很瀟灑.. 很看得開..
我真的是嗎? 如果是, 為何我會在夜裡哭泣, 為了過去而哭泣?


there are so many people smiling and laughing all the time.. but are they really happy? or are they hiding their true feelings?


are they like me, only cry when the sky is dark and no one is around?


like me, who will hold on to the last moment, bottle things up till there's no more space except out?
is it healthy?


most say no. but who is to judge?


do those people who show their emotions on their faces all the time healthy? cry all the time in public healthy?


*shrugs*


this trait is something that never change through the years.. even when i am older now, i still cry only when no one is around (if i can help it)..


i am still the kind who will laugh and smile on the outside but cry inside..


the one who will keep things within till it reaches the limit..


only one thing has changed.. i am able to accept reality more readily now.. i am able to accept that simple explanation mentioned earlier..


but it takes time..


how long? i dono. depends i guess.


kinda down these days due to a close friend who had her heart broken.. by a guy she never expect to fall but fell so deeply..

she said this, "love deep, gave all.. hurt deep, lost all.."


and my heart ached.. cos it's so true.. simple truth..


she really tried to let go.. i can see that.. but when night falls, her tears start flowing and insomnia follows..


for 2 months plus, that's her life.. and finally, her body gave way..
i felt sad for her.. i wish i can give her a miracle pill so that she will be happy again.. but i cant..


i also cant tell her that miracle will happen cos it won't..
as a friend, i can only hug her, dry her tears, drink with her, shop with her and advise her..


but a woman myself, i know.. it's not that easy, esp for ladies..


she couldnt stop herself from caring for him.. couldnt stop herself from loving him though she knows he no longer have feelings for her..


she laughs and smiles when we are around.. but when night falls and everyone else has left, she looks at me and i can see the sadness in her..


and i understand the pain and sadness.. the kind where you'd rather you have died or lost memories.. hurt so deeply that you'd wish you have never met that person, never been with that person..


rather not have had any hopes right from the start..


*sighs*


and so.. would you rather have loved and lost or never to have loved before?

got a surprise call last night.. made me smile..

a special friend called.. a friend whom i have known since i was 14 years old.. a friend whom always have a special place in my heart..

this friend, A.. seldom calls me.. only once or twice a year.. but one of the calls would always be during my birthday period..

a call to show that i am being remembered.. =)

our calls arent always long, but always full of laughter and bickering (in a good way).. and underneath all these, is care and concern for each other..

both parties smiled.. a true smile..


thats why they always say, distance doesn't affect friendship cos true friendship doesn't depend on the no. of meetups nor phonecalls and definitely not gossiping..

true friendship is the occassional msgs/calls of concern.. the warmth in your heart when you receive the other party's news..

i am indeed lucky, cos i have such friends in my life.. not one, not two.. but a group of angels.. caring for me, separately, in their own ways..

all these angels.. become my friends in different ways.. from school, from forums, from random surfing of net, from work, through friends..

but they all came to the same point: they gotta know me.. know me well enough to see the true me..

know everything about me and love me just the same..

over the years, some left the country.. some got attached.. some focused on their careers.. some got other committments..

but they never forget about me..

no matter how rare our contact are.. friendship stay.. and that's the heartwarming part..

one look and you know, they are always there and will always be there..

thank you my angels..

我们结婚吧! (o^^o)





does it work for you? :D

小情歌-苏打绿
词曲:吴青峰

这是一首简单的小情歌
唱着人们心肠的曲折
我想我很快乐
当有你的温热
脚边的空气转了

这是一首简单的小情歌
唱着我们心头的白鸽
我想我很适合
当一个歌颂者
青春在风中飘着

你知道就算大雨让这座城市颠倒
我会给你怀抱
受不了看见你背影来到
写下我度秒如年难捱的离骚

就算整个世界被寂寞绑票
我也不会奔跑
逃不了最后谁也都苍老
写下我时间和琴声交错的城堡

这是一首简单的小情歌
唱着我们心头的白鸽
我想我很适合
当一个歌颂者
青春在风中飘着

你知道就算大雨让这座城市颠倒
我会给你怀抱
受不了看见你背影来到
写下我度秒如年难捱的离骚

就算整个世界被寂寞绑票
我也不会奔跑
逃不了最后谁也都苍老
写下我时间和琴声交错的城堡

你知道就算大雨让这座城市颠倒
我会给你怀抱
受不了看见你背影来到
写下我度秒如年难捱的离骚

就算整个世界被寂寞绑票
我也不会奔跑
最后谁也都苍老
写下我时间和琴声交错的城堡

很偶然的讀到這篇報章.. 覺得很有意思..它是這麼說的：

“今天放下, 日後才有可能再提起。。＂

不肯放下， 不能得救! 對於很多人來說，人生就是有很多不能放下的人與事。然而，人生百事，放在長一點的時間，以及大一點的空間去想，唯有放下，才有日後再提起的可能。學習先放下，是一門學問啊！

你學會了嗎?

Credits to: Yahoo! News Singapore

WASHINGTON (AFP) - – Dieters looking to shed more fat and feel less hungry while they do it may benefit from a few more hours in bed, according to a new study.

Dieters lost the same amount of weight whether they slept for a full night or fewer hours, but those who got more sleep lost more fat and they also felt less hungry while awake, according to the study, which appears in the October 5 issue of the Annals of Internal Medicine.

"If your goal is to lose fat, skipping sleep is like poking sticks in your bicycle wheels," said Plamen Penev, an assistant professor of medicine at the University of Chicago and the director of the study.

"Cutting back on sleep, a behavior that is ubiquitous in modern society, appears to compromise efforts to lose fat through dieting. In our study it reduced fat loss by 55 percent," Penev added.

The study, undertaken by the University of Chicago's General Clinical Resource Center, tracked 10 overweight but healthy volunteers aged 35 to 49.

The participants had body mass indexes ranging from 25, which is considered overweight, to 32, which is considered obese.

Each ate a diet designed to give them 90 percent of the calories they needed to maintain their weight without exercise and then spent 14 days getting up to 8.5 hours of sleep and another 14 days getting up to 5.5 hours of sleep.

The difference between the two periods was pronounced.

When the dieters got up to 8.5 hours of sleep a day, more than half of the weight they lost was fat. When they were sleeping just 5.5 hours a day, only one-fourth of the weight loss was fat with the rest being mostly muscle tissue.

And getting less sleep also made it harder to diet, as the levels of ghrelin, a hormone that triggers hunger, increased when the volunteers were sleeping fewer hours.

The strictly controlled diets available to the participants meant they had no access to additional food even when their lack of sleep made them hungrier.

But that would not be the case for real-world dieters, who could further dent their chances of shedding fat by failing to sleep enough, feeling more hungry and eating additional calories.

Penev said the message of the study was clear.

"For the first time, we have evidence that the amount of sleep makes a big difference on the results of dietary intervention," he said.

"One should not ignore the way they sleep when going on a diet. Obtaining adequate sleep may enhance the beneficial effects of a diet."

Courtesy from my friend (a guy of cos)

What women say
And what they MEAN


#1. “Fine”
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and
you need to shut up.

#2. “Five Minutes”
If she is getting dressed,
this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just
been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

#3. “Nothing”
This is the calm before the storm. This means
something and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing
usually end with fine.

#4. “Go Ahead”
This is a dare, not
permission. Don’t do it.

#5. “Loud Sigh”
This is actually a word but
is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she
thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here
and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of
nothing.)

#6. “That’s Okay”
This is one of the most dangerous statements
a woman can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

#7. “Thanks”
A woman is thanking you, do not question or faint. Just say “you’re
welcome”. (I want to add in a clause here – this is true, unless she says
“Thanks a lot” – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT
say “you’re welcome” … that will bring on ‘whatever’).

#8. “Whatever”
Is a women’s way of saying F-YOU!

#9. “Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it”
Another dangerous statement, meaning you knew it had to be done but
you were lazy to do it and had to wait till i came home to do it. Men should
automatically know it has to be done, also, this is something that a woman has
told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later
result in a man asking ‘what’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3.

tale spinners

to you:

you are a pathetic bitch.

from both of us. =)

stalkers

i have stalkers in my life, and professional sabotagers who will try all ways and means to ruin my life..

of cos, i already know who they are and how they do things..

i really wonder, should i be honoured or insulted that some people are SOOOOOO interested in my life (or the one they created)?

i really wish to look for them and ask them straight in the face, what kind of satisfaction do they get out of spinning tales?

do they have the ambition to become scriptwriters in Mediacorp or something?

well, if their aim is to simply crush me, make me cry, ruin all my relationships with everyone..

then i am sorry to say, that's not gonna happen.

If whoever listened to those tales and actually doubt me, it only shows how much they know me, how much they trust me.

and if trust isn't there, what's the point of continuing being friends yea?

To the stalkers + tale spinners:

i am not the weak little girl from before.

i am not gonna cry and breakdown and make a big scene.

i will just walk away and let you win.

and i will thank you for letting me see who are true to me.

and it makes me laugh cos you guys are so pathetic..

you can only hide in a corner, sending mysterious smses, spinning tales behind the monitor and gossiping behind other people's back.

you have no courage nor integrity to speak of.

i despise you.

and i wish you good life, if you will ever have any. *smirks*

working

it's been a horrible month.. work, work, and more work..

working till wee hours rushing for events and events..

auditors driving me crazy with all the accounts questioning..

all the necessary entertaining to "clients"..

all the smiling and nodding.. =.=


my boss asked me this one night after our meeting.. (it was already midnight.. ):

"do you regret working here?"

and to my own surprise, i asked myself and the answer was no (and still no)..


yes, this job is tedious.. and people who cared about me have been complaining they don't get to see me often..

even my own colleagues from other departments don't get to see me!

i am often working from early mornings till late nights.. when i reach home, the lights are off and everyone is asleep..

my weekends are often burnt.. with events and meetings and all the ad-hoc activities needed..

i am always tired and i am starting to have white hair (yes and not just one or two strands, sadly..)

my dark rings are darker than before and well, my complexion kinda suffered..

i don't go out much often and my social life is down to almost zero..

but.. i still don't regret changing my job to this current company..


i like to OT in the office with the others.. and joke around.. chatting while working..

i like to stay in the office with piles of papers on my desk and tons of emails to clear..

i like to go for quick break and then come back to the office to rush work..

i like to work under pressure..


this place appreciates people who can work.. who are hardworking..

this place has great colleagues and bosses..

of cos, there are black sheeps everywhere and this place is no different..

but there are tons of pure white sheeps who can control the black ones..


i learnt to be tougher..

i learnt to let go..

i learnt to be patient..

i learnt to appreciate..

i learnt to trust..

i learnt to be appreciated (and i love that feeling)..

i learnt to be true to myself..

i learnt to be flexible..

and most importantly, i learnt that it is okay to be different, to be unqiue, to be imperfect..

and so, i learnt to love myself more.. =)



i also learnt that love is in all forms.. and that sometimes, love means letting go..

weird to learn that at work huh?

but i learnt it.. through colleagues.. and i saw how powerful love can be..

how it make and break a person..

and all kinds of love.. can be seen at work..

between friends, family, lovers, parents and their children..

all of these, seen and experienced at work..


so why should i regret working here?

yes, it took away my time.. and maybe much more..

but what i learnt here is enough to compensate for what i have lost..


i can't say i love my job and i definitely grumble at times..

but regret? Nah.

i stilll have a long way to go here.. and i look forward to it. =)


how much have you learnt at your workplace?

I am going to have a movie marathon this weekend..

There’s sooo many movies I wanna watch!











I think I will watch like 2 movies a day? Will take me 3 days to finish all these movies!

Maybe I should start with one tonight after work. Hmmm..

However, I am the kind of person who doesn’t watch cartoons and comedies on weekends, and [Chen Zhen] will most probably be full house everywhere again..

So i guess my choice will be either Wall Street or Charlie St Cloud..

Okay! These will be my first 2 movies this week then!

Charlie, here i come! :D

update: in the end, i never got to watch any movie.. =.= and oh! i think i wanna watch buried and devil! looked exciting! :D

love + marriage

mum asked me the other day, when do i intend to get married..

i replied, '3 years' time' and she exclaimed, 'you intend to get married at 30?'

i said yes. very calmly.

well, she wasn't very pleased with my answer, she wanted me to get married by 29 latest.



i had dreamt of getting married to my first love at the age of 25 and have babies at 27.

it didn't happen of cos.

as i reached 25, i didn't want to get married so soon anymore, i wanted to work and gain experiences in life.

i thought, well, i will get married at 27 and have babies at 29 then.. not too late... righhhtttt?

i am 27 now and i am in no hurry to settle down.

why so?

i can't give a definite answer but i think marriage at young age isn't a wise choice cos people change, environment changes, you change, so do i.

what you like at 20 (probably) isn't gonna be what you like at 25 and what you want at 25 may not be what you want at 30.

most people settle down at 30, and when i say settle down, it doesnt mean marriage. it means ýour thinking, your life, the path you intend to choose.

anyone younger than 25 years old, reading this will probably disagree but let's read again in 5 years' time and see if it stays true.

i didn't believe that when i was younger, and i isn't the kind who changes her preferences easily. but i did, i changed, and so did most of my friends.

which also explains why most relationships at young age didn't last (i said MOST, not ALL).

well, there's nothing wrong or right, it's just change. a different taste and preference as you are exposed more to the external factors.

when i settle down, i want it to be eternity.

the person i choose to marry will be the one i will love more everyday, more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.

i can't promise i will love him as much as he love me, but love is never about comparison, is it?

maybe the one i settle down will be the one i love more, maybe he will be the one who loves me more..

but as long as the love is balanced, it's okay.

one should learn to be contented..

so if you have found the person you wish to settle down with (seriously).. hold onto it and don't let go.. always appreciates, cherishes, surprises, trust and be honest to him/her..

true love is like crystal.. transparent..

a quote to share with all of you reading now:

"To find someone who will love you for 『no reason』, and to shower that person with 『reasons』, that is the ultimate 『happiness』."

found out something that didn't make me happy..

in fact, it upsetted me so much i was trembling..

i chose not to do anything..

no confrontation, no arguing, no tears, nothing..

guess i have learnt to cool myself down so that i won't make matters worse..

i hope i can keep my cool long enough to talk reasonably and nicely..

i certainly hope i can do that.

*fingers crossed*

我喜歡， 不我愛

作詞：嚴爵
作曲：嚴爵

我喜歡妳的眼 看著我的眼
我喜歡妳的臉 貼著我的臉

我喜歡妳的手 牽著我的手
我喜歡妳的口 吻著我的口
時間在改變 妳不要改變

因為我很愛妳 不想要妳放棄愛情
尤其這段得來不易
我愛妳 真的是很愛妳 所以想
就這樣繼續愛下去

時間在改變 妳不要改變

因為我很愛妳 不想要妳放棄愛情
轉載來自 ※Mojim.com　魔鏡歌詞網
尤其這段得來不易
我愛妳 真的是很愛妳 所以想
就這樣繼續愛下去

因為我很愛妳 不想要妳放棄愛情
尤其這段得來不易
我愛妳 真的是很愛妳 所以想
就這樣繼續愛下去

因為我很愛妳 不想要妳放棄愛情
尤其這段得來不易
我愛妳 真的是很愛妳 所以想
就這樣繼續愛下去

Need You Now
Lady Antebellum

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

woah woaaah.

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all

It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now

And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

I just need you now (wait)

Ooo, baby, I need you now

Taking a trip down memory lane
Things have changed One thing remains
That they will always have each other
And even though those days have gone
They know here is where they belong
Theres some kinda magic in the air

Feel the warmth
That only summer breezes can bring
Sweet little notes of spring begin
Nothing to fear

Taking one step at a time
Walking hand in hand
1 2 3 4
Cheek to cheek
And theyre learning How to do that dance
Let this love be forever more they say
I wish for this, to be true for you and me

Holding her close he leading the way
Out at the park Enjoying the Day
And you can tell theyll be ok
Feel the warmth
That only summer breezes can bring
Sweet little notes of spring begin
Nothing to fear

Taking one step at a time
Walking hand in hand
1 2 3 4
Cheek to cheek
And theyre learning How to do that dance
Let this love be forever more they say
I wish for this, to be true for you and me

Taking one step at a time
Walking hand in hand
1 2 3 4
Cheek to cheek
And theyre learning How to do that dance
Let this love be forever more they say
I wish for this, to be true for you and me
To be true for you and me
To be true for you and me
You and me
You and me

a friend posted this on fb:

"isn't it funny how fragile relationships are? So easily formed just as easily broken."

and then, when i was watching channel 8 drama, 'Family Court', one of the female leads said this,

"一个人的真心可以维持多久？如果可以永久不变的话，那该有多好。。"

got my ever-complicated mind thinking, change is the only constant.

when i post the above chinese quote of sort to my fb, a conversation started:

friend: if it's real, then it will not change =)

me: if that's the case, why would there by breakups?

friend: not real enough not to change? just as there is love at 1st sight, there's breakups

me: so means if there's breakups, it isn't real enough?

friend: i will say it's complicated

friend: anyway it's true that love is complicated. one may not necessary marry the person one loves alot.

me: love is simple, relationships are not.. like a quote i have seen, it wrote, "Love is unconditional, relationships are not." so usually its the relationship that make love complicated, not love itself..

i really do think so.. love is simple.. you love me + i love you = us in love

but relationship? not so clearcut.

other than love, it needs trust, transparency, compromise, support, communication, honesty.

short of any one, the relationship wont last (not a lifetime anyway), wont be healthy.


i always believe that love can change a person.. i've seen it, i've experienced it.. but now, though i believe love can change a person, the love must be deep enough.. where the love for the other party is deeper than the love for oneself.. only then, will change occur..


i have friends regretting after their partners really left them (okay, usually guys who regret and girls who left).. as in, they aren't turning back.. and they realise, they lost someone precious..

try ways and means to have them back.. but most of the time, failed.. why?

cos those who decided to leave had been hurt badly and are too afraid to try again.. cos they can't bear the pain again..


i had seen my friends so upset.. singing songs that reflect their stupidity in hurting the girl so much, for causing so much insecurity that the girl finally decided to leave..

and frankly speaking, i had mixed emotions.. i felt sad for them cos they really do love their partners.. and really wanna spend the rest of their lives with the one..

however, i wanna curse them for crying over spilled milk.. why din they realise the end when there's still chance to salvage? why did they have to wait till its too late before they realise what they had done?

if i am the girl's friend, i would do the same - ask her to leave him.

if i am the boy's friend, i would ask the girl to give him another chance.. to try one last time..

see? different viewpoints from different roles..



in the chinese drama i'd seen, the female lead said something like, everyone has lots of principles to follow, strict methods and lots of big theories but when the thing happened to them, it's a total different story..

so true.

how many times do we have great advices for our friends and how many times do we really listen to our own advices?

do you?

i don't.



maybe i have seen so many so-called strong relationships ending, and people going back together for all the wrong reasons, thus, i am kinda skeptical..

of cos, i have seen happy couples, happily married for years and still so in love with each other.. still feel so completely into each other.. the fire, the sparks, never fade.. but those are rare cases..

i am still naive when it comes to relationships, cos i still believe in fairytale love.. i really do.

i still believe my prince charming will come and we will live happily forever (if there's eternity)..

we will still hold each other's hands when we are 80, still complement each other, still find each other attractive, so fall in love with each other again and again everyday.. the soul mates, the best friends.. still enjoy each other's company.. still say 'i love you' when wake up and kiss goodnight at the end of the day..

this is my ideal love story..



but like my friend said, people don't always marry the one they love most..

anyway, i won't know if my love story is a fairytale one till well, i die cos before that, anything can happen.. *shrugs*

how about you?

do you believe in fairytale love?

with my busy schedule, i haven't had a chance to really meet up with friends or pamper myself..

and so, with the national day and syog over (let's not talk about the upcoming events), i have some time to browse through the internet and window-shop (i had not bought any of those seen YET!) :D

1)Iphone Casing

since i got my iphone, i had been buying lots of hp casings with my latest edition of:


but my most loved casing is still:


I still intend to buy some more, when there's new additions.. at the moment, i am putting a ban on myself for iphone casings.. cos I already have 6 iphone casings, not to mention the number of times i went to do gmask for my phone.. =X

2) Cameras

well, those who saw my fb album know that i have a thing for toy cameras (you may read abt my collection here).

well, i haven't been buying any since my last edition of:


now my hands are itching for new toy cameras again.. and i saw quite a few online yesterday.. ain't sure which one to get though cos I haven't really research on them..

so now i am going to stock up films instead for my Polaroid cameras..

intend to get these few:


gonna cost a bomb for these, which would be about $70 or more.. (-__-||)

so i am still contemplating.. may eliminate a few.. haha

other than these, i am also browsing for clothes for myself, clothes for buttons and rach, wigs etc..

haha.. yup.. i am also into wigs.. i have:

1. a long hair wig
2. a short hair wig
3. 1 choco kawaii fringe wig
4. 1 black sweet fringe wig
5. 1 hair bun..
   

well.. i love the fringe best.. cos it's easy to wear and natural.. the bun is harder to deal with, partly because my hair isn't that long and it's layered.. hard to keep it neat.. haha..

wore the fringe to Jay's concert last month, from long fringe to short:


looks natural doesn't it? the only downside was the shade..

i bought a choco shade and it was too light for my hair. Thus, i bought a second one which is black..

haven't try it though, considering i never go out for the past month.. haha..

may try it on next month when i have a chance to go out!




well.. i wonder is it due to my age or my work nature, i prefer staying at home than going out.. watching dramas, playing fb.. or just lie on bed and enjoy the silence..

still go out once in a while, still love dolling up.. but it's a different like.. this kind of like is more of an appreciation rather than .. i can't find the word for it.. play? attention?

walking along the streets, i appreciate the safe country that allows us to walk anywhere we like.. the stretch of Orchard Road with tons and tons of things to buy.. friends and family to chit chat with.. and more..

didn't really appreciate those in the past.. maybe cos i was still young, took things for granted.. but now, after i had seen the different side of the country, the efforts made to have what we have now.. i deeply appreciates it.. of cos, there's always room for improvement.. but at the moment, we ain't that bad.. don't you think so? =)

When you are in trouble, people who call to sympathize are really looking for the particulars.

~Edgar Watson Howe, Country Town Sayings, 1911

finally finished my blog layout.. after almost 2 months i guess?

unlike the last layout, my profile and links aren't shown outright.. you gotta click the 4 icons to navigate:



well, not entirely complete cos there are still things i wish to add but not sure where to.. lol..

for now, i hope this new layout doesnt look emo anymore!

Browsing through FB and saw this post by a girl friend..

to all the girls out there:

我知道妳很好，但是妳可以不必那麼偉大

by Sheron Lee

請注意，即使妳無時無刻都告訴自己「愛情是信任」，妳相信他真的有多愛妳，妳真的認為這一切都是妳想太多，妳真不應該無理取鬧。妳要尊重他，尊重他的隱 私，尊重他的前女友，尊重他的女性朋友，尊重那些莫名其妙的電話、簡訊、郵件、邀約，尊重他也擁有個人自由、憲法保障的人權、人生而平等的自由，與他所謂 的空間，那麼，我想請問妳，這位愛裝大方的女人：「當妳尊重了別人，別人有尊重過妳嗎？」

如果他真的夠尊重你，覺得妳真的夠重要，為什麼寧可要妳委屈難過猜疑不安，也不願意犧牲那些前女友、那些女人，來讓一個他口中所謂真正愛的女人覺得心安？

如果他真的夠愛妳，為什麼他寧可跟那些他口中所謂不愛、不喜歡的女人維持讓妳不舒服的關係，而不願意讓妳感覺舒服？

如果他真的覺得妳很重要，又何必浪費時間精力去維繫那些他口中所謂不那麼重要的友誼？

親愛的，我們都曾經試著當一個好女人，當一個自認為很大方的好女人，但是上帝有曾告訴過我們，身為好女人就一定上的了天堂，當一個裝大方的女人就 能永遠幸福快樂嗎？還是這個社會告訴我們，當個好女人一定有善報，只要我們願意裝大方釋出善意，那些壞女人就不會欺負我們？或者是我們的人生經驗告訴我 們，當一個好女人一定比較爽快，沒事裝裝大方就會活的比較痛快？

如果不是，那麼，請立刻清醒。

我知道，妳心地善良，心胸寬大，成熟明事理，妳覺得自己不再是小女生，不應該整天哭哭啼啼愛靠夭愛懷疑愛亂想，妳知道要有一段健康的感情，妳必須懂得信任與尊重，妳當然曉得妳的男友很愛妳，只是因為他太好，所以那些蒼蠅女人會喜歡他。

但是妳並不知道，當妳試著相信他前女友真的只把他當朋友，他們後來就真的不只是朋友。他真的只是好心體貼接送那些女生，但後來就只會更加好心體貼 接送她回來。他真的只是跟前前女友吃飯聊天，後來就一定不只是吃飯聊天。他只是收到簡訊接到電話，但後來就不只簡訊和電話。不要問我為什麼知道，學校沒有 教，報紙沒有寫，至少妳一定有聽過、看過，不然也用膝蓋想過。這樣的社會案件層不出窮，信任即使說的冠冕堂皇，它還是脆弱的不堪一擊。

妳又如何可以說服自己、委屈自己、隱藏自己，而去做一個裝大方的女人？

這些年來，感情路上走過來的感觸，我真的希望有些道理不需要浪費妳的光陰最後才明瞭。所以親愛的，請記得無時無刻正視自己的需求。如果任何一個人、一段感情必須讓妳委曲求全、漠視自己的需求、隱藏自己的不快，那麼請相信，那絕對不是妳的真愛。

我知道妳很好，但是妳可以不必那麼偉大。

妳不用做個小氣的女人，妳也不用在男人面前裝作是個大方的女人。任何一段有益身心的感情應該讓妳更愛自己，讓自己更快樂，變的更好。而不是讓你忘了自己的需要，去訂做成一個他需要的、完美的女人。

如果連妳都不尊重自己，妳還希望別人如何尊重妳？

如果連妳都不愛自己了，妳又怎麼能奢望別人能愛妳？

更重要的是，若他真的夠愛妳，

他第一個該尊重的，應該是「妳」。

(NOTE: the below post has nothing to do with my personal life.. and nope, i am not being emo when i was writing the entry.. it's just random)



sometimes i wonder.. what does it mean to be a couple? just holding hands, hang out? or is there more?

why do you want to be with a particular someone?

for companionship?

for fun?

for all the intimate things that you can do together?

or is it for love?


when you lose someone, you felt the heartache, you cried, felt empty etc etc.. is it cos you still love him/her or cos you dont wish to be the one losing?

is it because you are too used to having that particular person or because you can't stand loneliness?


how would you know?

seriously, i have no answer to that..

i used to think that people get together because of love and break up because there's no more love..

but as i grow older, i realise that's not true..

there's so much more to consider than just feelings..

there's 1001 reasons to be together and 1001 to break up..


for whatever reason, i hope it's worth it..

cos sometimes, once you lose it, you lose it forever..

so grab hold tight to the one you feel is worth fighting for..

歌曲: 梁靜茹 - 給未來的自己
专辑: 崇拜
年份: 2007
公司: 相信音乐
MV导演: 黄中平

＊ 前奏 ＊

站在狂風的天台一望無際
這一座孤獨的城市
在天空與高樓交接的盡頭
誰追尋空曠的自由

陽光覆滿這一刻寧靜的我
隔絕了喧囂和冷漠
川流不息的人遊蕩在街頭
誰能聽見誰的寂寞

找一個人惺惺相惜 找一顆心心心相印
在這個宇宙 我是獨一無二 沒人能取代

不管怎樣 怎樣都會受傷
傷了又怎樣 至少我很堅強 我很坦蕩

間奏

夜幕籠罩燦爛的一片燈海
多少人多少種無奈
在星光裡遺忘昨天的傷害
一覺醒來還有期待

我不放棄愛的勇氣 我不懷疑會有真心
我要握住 一個最美的夢 給未來的自己

一天一天 一天推翻一天 堅持的信仰
我會記住自己今天的模樣

有一個人惺惺相惜 有一顆心心心相印
拋開過去 我想認真去追尋 未來的自己
不管怎樣 怎樣都會受傷
傷了又怎樣 至少我很堅強 我很坦蕩

間奏

我不放棄愛的勇氣 我不懷疑會有真心
我要握住 一個最美的夢 給未來的自己
不管怎樣 怎樣都會受傷
傷了又怎樣 至少我很堅強 我很坦蕩

未來的你 會懂我的瘋狂

所以，我亲爱的朋友，不要放弃爱情。。

layout is almost done.. now left is the javascript-ing.. lol

decided.. tonight, i shall start on my new blog layout!

jia you angela! :D

its time to change my layout..

gonna need a few days to get inspiration and start doing..

my current layout (which is one of my fav layouts that i had done) is too grey.. giving people an impression that this is an emo blog (which it isnt cos blogging about inner thoughts do not mean emo.. just that i don't have the habit of blogging about what i eat, where i went etc etc.. *rolleyes*) and its starting to irk me..

i don't understand why blogging about thoughts or questions would be emo.. cos my blog entries are random and often do not link to me (how many times must i repeat that??)..

but somehow, people just link them to me..

maybe some people love to have their lives drama-like but i dont..

=.=

my next layout will most probably be of many colors or at least white background..

let's wait and see.. *winks*

i really love the song playing in my blog.. 情歌 by Fish Leong.. which means love song..

the tune and melody makes you sad.. but not heartbroken sadness..

it's more of a pity sadness.. that a relationship ended (for whatever reason)..

that a relationship had ended but you will always remember the fond memories between you and him/her..

sometimes.. a relationship ends not cos there's no more love.. but cos, love is the only thing that's left in the relationship..

and as cliché as it may sound, sometimes love just ain't enough.. it's true and you can't deny it (for those who had been through heartbreaks for all reasons but no love..


it's sad.. cos there's nothing you can do.. there's nothing love can do to salvage the relationship..

sad cos you were so happy then.. both of you..

but things change.. everything change except the love.. and love itself can't sustain the relationship..

and when i say everything, it's really everything.. like trust, security, everything..

it comes to a point where love for each other brings nothing but sadness, unhappiness, hurt..

and the only way to make each other happy is to leave..

a painful but only viable solution (in most cases)..



i believe most who read my blog understand this..

(cos well, young people will find my blog boring.. lol)

the kind of beyond-your-control feeling..

the kind of struggle..

you don't wish to end, but there's nothing much you can do..

cos you don't wish to make each other suffer anymore..



its sad.. and whenever you look back at those memories, this sadness will follow..

a beautiful start without a beautiful end..


guess that's part of life..

there can't be gardens with beautiful flowers and butterflies..

even the day has to give way to night and spring to winter..

so is happiness to sadness..


but such sadness will come with a smile while tears flow down..

contradicting emotions.. just like most big decisions in our lives.. *smiles*



found the English and Hanyu Pinyin translation for this song.. change a bit of the English translation though (cos it sounds weird)..

Credits to:　xoxoxobexoxoxo from



Artist: 梁靜茹 Liang Jing Ru
Fish Leong

Song: 情歌 Qing Ge
Love Song



時光是琥珀
shi guang shi hu po
Time is drops of tears

淚一滴滴
lei yi di di
being locked

被反鎖
bei fan suo
in an amber.

情書再不朽
qing shu zai bu xiu
No matter how immortal the love letters are,

也磨成沙漏
ye mo cheng sha luo
it'll still grinded into sand, leaking away.

青春的上游
qing chun de shang you
On the top of youthfulness,

白雲飛走
bai yun fei zou
white clouds are flying pass

蒼狗與海鷗
cang gou yu hai ou
turning into dogs and seagulls.

閃過的念頭
shan guo de nian tou
These flashy thoughts

潺潺的溜走
chan chan de liu zou
are slipping away.

命運好幽默
ming yun hao you mo
Fate is very humorous,

讓愛的人都沉默
rang ai de ren dou chen mo
It makes people in love silent

一整個宇宙
yi zheng ge yu zhou
(and) willing to trade in the universe

換一顆紅豆
huan yi ke hong dou
for a red bean.

回憶如困獸
hui yi ru kun shou
Memories is like a monster

寂寞太久
ji mo tai jiu
that'll eventually became gentle

而漸漸溫柔
er jian jian wen rou
from being lonely for a long time.

放開了拳頭
fang kai le quan tou
Letting go of (it's) fist,

反而更自由
fan er geng zi you
(it feels) much freer.

慢動作
man dong zuo
In slow motion

繾綣膠捲
qian juan jiao juan
attracting,

重播默片
chong bo mo pian
(and) replaying the silent film,

定格一瞬間
ding ge yi shun jian
(I've) stopped for a moment.

我們在告別的演唱會
wo men zai gao bie de yan chang hui
In our farewell concert,

說好不再見
shuo hao bu zai jian
(we've) promised not to meet again.

你寫給我
ni xie gei wo
You wrote me

我的第一首歌
wo de di yi shou ge
my first song.

你和我十指緊扣
ni he wo shi zhi jin kou
You and I were hand in hand
默寫前奏 mo xie qian zou
(and) writing the prelude from (our) memory.

可是那然後呢
ke shi na ran hou ne
But what then?

還好我有
hai hao wo you
At least I still have

我這一首情歌
wo zhe yi shou qing ge
this love song.

輕輕的 輕輕哼著
qing qing de qing qing heng zhe
Lightly humming,
哭著笑著 我的
ku zhe xiao zhe wo de
crying and smiling at my

天長地久
tian chang di jiu
eternity.

命運好幽默
ming yun hao you mo
Fate is very humorous,

讓愛的人都沉默
rang ai de ren dou chen mo
It makes people in love silent

一整個宇宙
yi zheng ge yu zhou
(and) willing to trade in the universe

換一顆紅豆
huan yi ke hong dou
for a red bean.

回憶如困獸
hui yi ru kun shou
Memories is like a monster

寂寞太久
ji mo tai jiu
that'll eventually became gentle

而漸漸溫柔
er jian jian wen rou
from being lonely for a long time.

放開了拳頭
fang kai le quan tou
Letting go of (it's) fist,

反而更自由
fan er geng zi you
(it feels) much freer.

長鏡頭
chang jin tou
The long camera shot

越拉越遠
yue la yue yuan
is pulling further and further,

越來越遠
yue lai yue yuan
further and further.

事隔好幾年
shi ge hao ji nian
After a couple years from this,

我們在
wo men zai
we are at

懷念的演唱會
huai nian de yan chang hui
(our) memorable concert

禮貌的吻別
li mao de wen bie
politely kissing good bye.

你寫給我
ni xie gei wo
You wrote me

我的第一首歌
wo de di yi shou ge
my first song.

你和我十指緊扣
ni he wo shi zhi jin kou
You and I were hand in hand

默寫前奏
mo xie qian zou
(and) writing the prelude from (our) memory.

可是那然後呢
ke shi na ran hou ne
But what then?

還好我有
hai hao wo you
At least I still have

我這一首情歌
wo zhe yi shou qing ge
this love song

輕輕的 輕輕哼著
qing qing de qing qing heng zhe
Lightly humming,

哭著笑著 我的
ku zhe xiao zhe wo de
crying and smiling at my

天長地久
tian chang di jiu
eternity.

陪我唱歌
pei wo chang ge
Sing with me

清唱你的情歌
qing chang ni de qing ge
Sing acapella to your love song

捨不得 短短副歌
she bu de duan duan fu ge
(I) don't want the short chorus to end.

心還熱著
xin hai re zhe
My heart is still hot,

也該告一段落
ye gai gao yi duan luo
but it should come to an end.

還好我有
hai hao wo you
At least I still have

我下一首情歌
wo xia yi shou qing ge
my next love song.

生命宛如 靜靜的
sheng ming wan ru jing jing de
Life is like a calm river

相擁的河 永遠
xiang yong de he yong yuan
embracing each other for

天長地久
tian chang di jiu
eternity.

went to work at a familiar area.. and i told my colleague that i dislike that area.. cos people who had hurt me live there.. not only one, but several..

and she said, next time, when i make friends or get husband, make sure they don live in that area..

cos it apparently is a cursed place ffor me..

haha..

nice theory..

that area was when i first had my heart taken away.. got my heart broken, trust betrayed.. most of my first were there..

i rem when i cried very badly when i was told that my love (then) was moving to that area..

crying hysterically, confirmed that our relationship would be affected once he moved there.. he would break my heart..

and i rem he looking at me, assuring me it's just a place.. and things would not change..

sweet him, as always..

i guessed he must be thinking i was a silly girl then, crying so badly over an area..

haha..

but we split up less than a year after he moved..

*shrugs*



its funny how some things affect you in a way where there's no explanation and no one could understand..

like my gf, she doesnt take beef, not cos of religion but rather cos she is very sure that eating beef gives her bad luck..

and it had proven right every time..

is it in the mind or ?

i dono cos i myself have weird belief too (as mentioned above)..



of cos, rational thinking would tell you it's all coincidence..

but there's so many things on earth that have no explanation..

how can one be sure that it's just coincidence?


i dono, i'd rather not take the risk..

how about you?

through out the years of your life, which is the most fond memory?

attended a 2-day course on Enhancing Intellectual, Emotional & Social Wellness for Successful Life & Work @ Civil Service College by Richard Lim, a psychotherapist..

It was intersting and very relevant.. I learnt that guys aren't that emotional due to the emotional part of the brain (center part) aren't activated.. and therefore, they are usually incapable to reading emotions on other people.. so it aint that they are insensitive but rather, their brain couldnt read the emotions written on the face..

of cos, this is a generalisation.. since over the centuries, there had been countless evolutions and nowadays, there are alot of SNAGs..

anyway.. another thing i learnt was this: Six Key Principles of Emotional Wellness

Principle 1: Emotional is Information

Principle 2: Ignoring Emotions doesn't work

Suppressing emotions may end up making us less capable of remembering information.

It seems that emotional suppression takes energy and attention that otherwise could be used in listening to and processing information.

Principle 3: Hiding emotions is seldom successful

Surface acting and emotional labour have been linked to performance burnout and job turnover.

For instance, expression of joy is often deemed not professional in organisations and this can actually hinder encouragement to reproduce success.

Principle 4: Decisions must incorporate emotion to be effective

No decisions are made without emotion.

Rational thinking cannot occur in the absence of emotion.

Principle 5: Emotions follow logical patterns

Emotions emerge for many reasons and each emotion is part of a sequence from low to high intensity.

Principle 6: Emotional universals exist, but so do specifics

The specifics are:

• Emotional Display Rules
• Secondary Emotions
• Gender & Emotions

and how emotions influence our thinking:



it's really informative.. and i love this quote mentioned:

Our life is what our thoughts make it.


we have to take control of our thoughts and not the other way round cos if our thoughts control us, we may be swarmed by negative and distorted thoughts and it can cause alot of suffering in our lives.

we gotta learn to be positive..

learn that it's not the situations that made us negative.. its our reactions to the situtations..

one situation but different solutions, depending on our reactions and beliefs..

we can't control situations, but we can control our reactions.

there have been numerous research over the years proving that people with a positive mind recover faster from illness..

and we humans aren't meant to be alone.. we are wired for relationships..

positive relationships will enhance our wellbeing and health (physical and mental)..

most importantly, we need to accept that everyone is different..

so keep an open mind, and life will be better in the long run.. =)

someone told me i am an emo person when we were chatting regarding my fb comments.. and i said, "no, my quotes are random.." and he replied, "not from your fb, but from your blog.."

i retailated saying my posts were random too.. but his reply was, "but you blogged about it cos you thought about it.."

hmmmm.. interesting theory.. yes, my entries were due to me thinking of the topic and wrote them down.. my thoughts, my views about certain stuff that had happened to me or my friends or just random news..

by thinking of certain matters, does it make a person an emo person?

i admit, i used to be an emo person.. didn't help when i was young and i had quite a lot of friends with the same dramatic genes in them.. lol..

well, i believe 90% of the population were in that catergory once (emo).. but to what extent? suicide? drink drank drunk every other night? dramatic status on fb/twitter? gothic makeup? tearing every minute?

a bit of emo-ness is good (imo).. one can't be positive and laughing all the time.. whether you choose to reveal that side of yours to your friends, everyone or just your little puppy, it's good to show.. to let that part of emotions out..

think and be negative.. just for a little while.. dramatic.. for tiny winy bit.. doesn't hurt.. afterall, life is so boring.. without such ups and downs, what will life be? monotonous living like zombie?

of cos, i am not saying to be emo and dramatic ALL the time.. it pisses people off and its such a turn off to be forever emo-ing and dramatic.. like watching Korean soap opera.. =.=

i think alot.. i really do.. when i have some quiet time.. i will think of things.. of life in general.. love.. friends.. family.. goal in life.. work.. etc..

thinking makes me achieve different perspectives of matters and thus, able to 'see' more.. of cos, i won't think and start being emo and cry and all that stunts..

i have passed that stage..

though i do miss that stage, no cos i love being emo, but i love being young.. where you do things without thinking much of the consequences.. with a care in the world.. smiling and crying at the same time.. doing stupid stuff with your friends.. =)

don't you miss that?

we have grown older and wiser but with that, we lost our innocence and naive-ness..