Dreams ✗ Expectations

A friend of mine has decided to venture out and start afresh in another country. It was not an easy decision; she did not have support from most people, especially her family. However, she held on to her decision and is flying off soon. Comments received include:

⇝ Immature
⇝ Unfilial
⇝ Friends who support her must be fake friends, those who object really care for her
⇝ Selfish

I can understand the above comments such as immature and selfish, but unfilial and fake friends? Whoever commented this was not using the brain. Why do I say so?

For the former, she is not the only child and her parents are healthy (not like diagnosed with terminal illness or something) and staying with other sibling(s) (with family). She is not in her teens and she has definitely thought it through before coming to such an important decision. Who says people who are living overseas must be unfilial? Does giving monthly expenses and staying together means filial? Shouldn’t filial piety come from the heart and not the superficial actions shown? Does making herself unhappy and do what the family wants mean filial? Does coming back to a house where she is being ignored and look down on daily mean filial? Does doing laundry and washing the plates mean filial?

Come on, they are not. Yes, there are arguments in the family, they have been upset over matters, but family should always stand together, as the saying goes, blood is thicker than water. I have seen my friend crying over mean words coming out from her family, suppressing her unhappiness and forcing herself to be what she is not and with people she does not like for her family, and more. All these were not appreciated by her family cos her family only sees the lousy side of her. I may sound biased but I have seen the weakest side of her and I have also witnessed how the family treated her. I have arguments with my family too, very badly, but we always stand together and we communicate. My family may not like certain decisions but they will always stand by me. This is what family is for. Family does not condemn each other. When they support, they support wholeheartedly. They see each other's point of view, they do not force each other to be what they expect. There is no expectations to meet, esp in love, only unconditional love and support. 

Now, those who support her must be fake friends. I totally cannot accept this. Real friends will give you advice, but the choice is yours to make and real friends will always support you for whatever decision you make (of cos, unless you say you want to take drugs, commit suicide, do things that are illegal and will harm yourself). Real friends do not object and condemn your decisions. People who really care for you will always stand by you, no matter what you do.

Yes, it is definitely a big risk to make such a decision, especially going to a country where you do not know their native language, a place where you stand out awkwardly and a risk of ending up with nothing. However, she is old enough (no longer teens or young adult) to choose her own path and she is aware of the risks and the consequences should her plan fail. Since she has thought it through and decided, what’s the point of stopping her? Yes, maybe she has not been with the other party for long, and yes, she may end up heartbroken etc, but at least it is her choice right? She has no one else to blame but herself should things go wrong. She should be old enough to handle herself and bear responsibility for her actions. Why treat her like a kid? If she were to do what is being told by others and things go wrong, who is willing to bear the responsibility? Who will bear the consequences? It will still be her. So, let her go. If this is a wrong move, let her fall and pick herself up. Every experience is a lesson learnt, so let her learn. I am also worried for my friend, but I trust her enough to let her make her own decisions. She has her reasons and I am not her, I may not think like her and she may not think like me. Likewise, she may not think like her family. I pray for her to be successful in her venture and hopefully, one day, those who objected will be able to see her real smile when she succeed. If she doesn’t, well, at least she learnt something and there will be no regrets.

So my friend, you have my support. I worry for you but I believe you will do your best to make things happen. 加油. ت