took an emotional ride home from work..


i always hope.. hope for sweet/pleasant/good surprises..

but deep in my heart, i know surprises don't really happen in real life..

yet, i could never stop hoping..

hoping that someone will appear at my workplace with flowers to cheer up my life..

special delivery of gifts or food with simple notes of concern..

appearance at doorstep with a hug to tell me i am being missed/loved/everything will be ok..

i am not talking about romantic person, it can be a friend too..



when i was really tired or stressed, the thought will come into my mind,

"maybe someone will appear with something to cheer me up"

or

"maybe there will be a sweet note on my msn from him or her saying that i am being missed/loved"..

which of cos, it didnt happen..

and the disappointment would sometimes be so overwhelming, tears threaten to fall..

i am not a drama freak (i am emotional, but not dramatic)..

just that, when things go wrong and you had no one to tell with all the stress or unhappiness bottled up to the brim, a small matter will trigger the tears..

sometimes, you just want someone who will just listen and understand what you are trying to say, the emotions you have, the reason behind all your talk, your saddness..

but its hard to find.. its really hard..

your wish may be the simplest of all but its always the hardest to fulfil..

how ironic..



i have been told that i am an extreme thinker but i beg to differ..

i din used to be like this..

i used to be positive and happy..

till numerous experiences changed those thoughts..


how not to feel extreme when you are disappointed time and time again?

everytime you tell yourself to be hopeful, you only end up being disappointed..

by the same person, by a different person, they are all humans..

humans who you thought will be similar to you but in reality, they are very different from you..



i like solitude but i realised, i like having someone by my side too, even without words exchanged..

sometimes, lots of words are exchanged but nothing understood and when nothing is said, all is understood..

funny how human minds work..




well anyway, i will be meeting my bff for ktv on wed so i am looking forward to it! the best way for girl bonding and relieving stress.. =)

till then, i shall bury myself in work.. =.=

ciao pple!



PS: i miss rachel tit so much!!!