❣ who, what, when, where, why ❣

She asked him, "how many have you loved?"

His reply? "5."

She continued, "can you tell me their names?"

He smiled and answered, "They are..Who, What, When, Where and Why."

Judgemental ↭ Stereotyping

I know I have not been blogging for more than a month. I'm sorry, it's been a busy month with a lot of changes, good mostly.

Through these changes, I realised humans tend to have this trait, judgemental. They judge even before they have met the person. They judge based on what they see, for the first few minutes. From there, they conclude a person's character and decide if the person is good or bad. Most of the time, they are wrong but they ain't willing to change their views. They insisted on being right and sometimes, influence the rest to think the same.

People who know me well know I don't judge, especially if I don't know the person well. I don't decide if the person is good or bad, and I don't conclude if what they do is right or wrong for their lives. Who am I to judge? I am not a saint, I have done stupid things, So why should I judge others? First impression count but I don't condemn. Yes, the word is condemn.

So I'm perplexed that there are people who condemn others based on first impressions or hearsay. Worse, they usually do not change their views even if they see the good in others. Can you imagine if such people are your superiors? They condemn you Co's you probably wore their most hated colour to work on your first day or you pronounced their name wrongly or you spoke a little too loud for their liking. How unfair would it be?

Friends love to come to me cos I won't judge. I always tell them, if you don't like others to judge the way you live your life, don't judge others. It's that simple. What seems wrong to you may seem right to others. We are individuals with a mind of our own, we are unique in our own way. Keep an open mind and learn to accept people who ain't the same as you are.

Sounds difficult? Not really. Not if you try hard enough.

Another word for judgemental is stereotyping. Don't mean the same but similar. People think if you have tattoo, you are a bad person. If you talk loudly, you must be a gangster or lowly educated. If you are animated, you must be an aggressive person. All these stereotyping is what cause conflicts, fights and wars. They outcast anyone who ain't the same as the majority. They condemn people who don't think similarly to the rest. This is very... shallow. Will you condemn a family member if he or she isn't the same? How will you feel if you are condemned cos you ain't the same? Isn't it sad? Isn't it unfair?

Don't do things to others that you won't want others to do to you. Be fair, not shallow. Don't judge what you don't know.

Life will be happier.

Dreams ✗ Expectations

A friend of mine has decided to venture out and start afresh in another country. It was not an easy decision; she did not have support from most people, especially her family. However, she held on to her decision and is flying off soon. Comments received include:

⇝ Immature
⇝ Unfilial
⇝ Friends who support her must be fake friends, those who object really care for her
⇝ Selfish

I can understand the above comments such as immature and selfish, but unfilial and fake friends? Whoever commented this was not using the brain. Why do I say so?

For the former, she is not the only child and her parents are healthy (not like diagnosed with terminal illness or something) and staying with other sibling(s) (with family). She is not in her teens and she has definitely thought it through before coming to such an important decision. Who says people who are living overseas must be unfilial? Does giving monthly expenses and staying together means filial? Shouldn’t filial piety come from the heart and not the superficial actions shown? Does making herself unhappy and do what the family wants mean filial? Does coming back to a house where she is being ignored and look down on daily mean filial? Does doing laundry and washing the plates mean filial?

Come on, they are not. Yes, there are arguments in the family, they have been upset over matters, but family should always stand together, as the saying goes, blood is thicker than water. I have seen my friend crying over mean words coming out from her family, suppressing her unhappiness and forcing herself to be what she is not and with people she does not like for her family, and more. All these were not appreciated by her family cos her family only sees the lousy side of her. I may sound biased but I have seen the weakest side of her and I have also witnessed how the family treated her. I have arguments with my family too, very badly, but we always stand together and we communicate. My family may not like certain decisions but they will always stand by me. This is what family is for. Family does not condemn each other. When they support, they support wholeheartedly. They see each other's point of view, they do not force each other to be what they expect. There is no expectations to meet, esp in love, only unconditional love and support. 

Now, those who support her must be fake friends. I totally cannot accept this. Real friends will give you advice, but the choice is yours to make and real friends will always support you for whatever decision you make (of cos, unless you say you want to take drugs, commit suicide, do things that are illegal and will harm yourself). Real friends do not object and condemn your decisions. People who really care for you will always stand by you, no matter what you do.

Yes, it is definitely a big risk to make such a decision, especially going to a country where you do not know their native language, a place where you stand out awkwardly and a risk of ending up with nothing. However, she is old enough (no longer teens or young adult) to choose her own path and she is aware of the risks and the consequences should her plan fail. Since she has thought it through and decided, what’s the point of stopping her? Yes, maybe she has not been with the other party for long, and yes, she may end up heartbroken etc, but at least it is her choice right? She has no one else to blame but herself should things go wrong. She should be old enough to handle herself and bear responsibility for her actions. Why treat her like a kid? If she were to do what is being told by others and things go wrong, who is willing to bear the responsibility? Who will bear the consequences? It will still be her. So, let her go. If this is a wrong move, let her fall and pick herself up. Every experience is a lesson learnt, so let her learn. I am also worried for my friend, but I trust her enough to let her make her own decisions. She has her reasons and I am not her, I may not think like her and she may not think like me. Likewise, she may not think like her family. I pray for her to be successful in her venture and hopefully, one day, those who objected will be able to see her real smile when she succeed. If she doesn’t, well, at least she learnt something and there will be no regrets.

So my friend, you have my support. I worry for you but I believe you will do your best to make things happen. 加油. ت

玩你的人与爱你的人

你身边那位，是玩你，还是爱你？

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

玩你的人：半夜會找你打電話聊天到很晚。
愛你的人：會告訴你不要聊那麼晚。

玩你的人：他會找你出去玩，叫你放棄正事。
愛你的人：他會催你好好工作，踏踏實實。

 
玩你的人：在你生病時，會講好話關心你。
愛你的人：在你生病時，他會關心到你煩，並強迫你去看醫生。 

玩你的人：他會盡量說好話來討好你，你也會覺得很開心。
愛你的人：他所說的話，都是關心你的，但是通常像是在命令。 

玩你的人：他什麼事情都會配合你，只要你開心。
愛你的人：他會幫你辨別是非，但是你會感覺他管的太多。 

玩你的人：他說他要給你最大的快樂。
愛你的人：他只能給你保證，你跟他在一起，他是最快樂的。 

玩你的人：他在意你的生活細節，即使你做錯了什麼，他也不會指出來。 

愛你的人：他在意你的一舉一動，告訴你什麼地方錯了，什麼地方該如何做，該如何與別人交往。 

玩你的人：他不會在意你去做什麼，與什麼人交往。
愛你的人：他很在意你去做什麼，與什麼人交往。他還會告戒你不要與什麼人交往。

玩你的人：他只想要現在。  

愛你的人：他已經預見未來，該怎麼自我努力，好好給你幸福。 

玩你的人：他會說“我喜歡你！”
愛你的人：他會說“我愛你。

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

如果，你愛過或者被愛過，那麼，你會感到這些話千真萬確。

Good or Bad?

People always say, be with a good person, don’t be with a bad one. How do you define ‘good’ and ‘bad’? A good person is someone who looks girl/boy-next-door, doesn’t smoke, gamble or flirt around while a person who does any of the above is considered bad? How can you be sure that a good person will stay forever good or a bad person will always be bad?

A bad person means you do not expect him/her to be good; anything good that comes out is considered a bonus and definitely appreciated. On the other hand, a good person means you will be more disappointed when he/she does something that is considered bad in your eyes. A good person does not mean he/she will not lie and a bad person does not mean he/she is always untruthful.

I always believe an extremely lousy person will have his/her good side and an extremely nice person will have his/her evil side. Someone nice does not necessarily mean he/she will be liked by everyone and someone nasty does not mean he/she will be disliked by all. Everyone has his/her good and bad side; it depends on which side you see or is willing to believe and/or accept.

Of cos, I do have people that I dislike and people that I like. However, I always believe there is the other side of them that I do not see, thus, the different opinions from different people. I do not expect the people around me to see what I see; likewise, don’t expect me to see what others see. People should always agree to disagree. Everyone is unique, be it good or bad.

Don't be judgemental and expect everyone to think like you. There are always grey areas; not everything is in black and white.